Momming as a Millennial: We don't need more parenting advice - we need to trust ourselves

By Christine Giarrizzo

The other day I found myself doing what I’m sure countless mamas have done.

My daughter had a big reaction to something that, from an adult perspective, seemed incredibly small. One minute we were moving through our day, and the next we were in full-blown meltdown territory over something I can't even remember now. The details have faded, but what happened next has become a familiar pattern.

After everyone had calmed down, I reached for my phone. I was on a mission. I wanted to know if I had handled it the “right” way.

Did I validate enough? Was I too firm? Too soft? Was I creating an emotionally safe environment? Was I going to mess my kids up without even realizing it?

So, I searched the internet. I scrolled social media. I read article after article.

Within minutes, I was mentally comparing my response to what I probably should have said instead. You know, because apparently there’s a perfect parenting script hidden somewhere on the internet, and if I search hard enough, eventually Google will let me in on the secret.

It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud. But I know I’m not the only one who does it.

Millennial moms have access to more parenting information than any generation before us. That access is an incredible gift. It has helped so many of us understand our children in ways previous generations simply couldn’t.

But I’ve started wondering if all of that information has come with unintended consequences.

Too often, I’m looking for validation rather than guidance. It’s become my crutch.

The experts don’t know my daughter the way I do. They don’t see the look she gets when she’s overwhelmed but can’t quite find the words. They don’t know what happened five minutes before we walked into the grocery store or that she woke up early because of a bad dream.

I do. And that matters.

Many of us learned early on to look outside ourselves for the “right” answer. Motherhood simply gives us another category to search.

What if, instead of reaching for our phones first, we learn to trust ourselves?

Call it your intuition, your gut, your inner knowing or God’s guidance. Whatever name you give it, I believe there’s a quiet wisdom within each of us.

Here are a few simple ways I’ve learned to quiet the noise and reconnect with mine.

•Get into nature.

Nothing clears the mental clutter for me quite like being outside. I know “touch grass” has become a bit of a joke. And while not my favorite phrase, it has its merits.

I’m fortunate enough to live near water, and one of my favorite ways to reconnect with myself is simply sitting and watching it flow. There’s something incredibly calming about it. Nature has a way of reminding me that I don’t have to force every answer.

•Step away from screens.

Turn your phone on “do not disturb.” Sit in the dark. Leave the TV off. Give yourself five minutes without someone else’s voice filling the space.

If my mind won’t stop racing, I’ll hum with my lips closed. It sounds strange, but it works. Suddenly I’m focused on the vibration, the sound in my ears, and my thoughts begin to settle. Sometimes that’s all I need to finally hear what is underneath the noise.

•Breathe.

I know. I know. You’re thinking next I’m going to tell you to meditate. But hear me out.

Box breathing is one of the quickest ways I know to calm my nervous system. A slow exhale actually helps lower your heart rate, and when your body begins to settle, your mind often follows.

The best part? Your breath is always with you. You don’t need an app, a class or the perfect environment. You already have everything you need.

•Journal.

Besides being near water, this one is my favorite. It amazes me how often my journal knows something before I do.

That probably sounds bizarre. After all, I’m the one writing the words. How could I possibly surprise myself?

And yet I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down looking for clarity, filled a few pages, then reread what I’d written only to discover a pattern I hadn’t noticed, an underlying fear I hadn’t acknowledged, or a connection to an old wound I hadn’t considered.

Oh, the “aha” moments my journal and I have had.

If you’re skeptical, try this. Write a question at the top of the page – something you’ve been wrestling with. Take a deep breath, then write continuously for six or seven minutes. Don’t edit. Don’t overthink. Don’t stop your pen.

If nothing comes from it, that’s OK. Try again another day. I’m confident there is clarity waiting for you. Sometimes the answers aren’t missing. They just need a little room to find us.

•Listen to some music.

I’m not going to tell you to put on spa music unless that’s your thing. Maybe you really need some gangster rap in your life.

Pretend it’s 2008 and we’re dancing in the club. Blast the Spice Girls and sing along at the top of your lungs. Shake off the tension you’ve been carrying. Whatever gets you out of your head and back into your body.

Then, when the music ends, sit quietly for a minute. After literally shaking the thoughts out of your brain, you’ll be surprised by what comes up for you.

The next time I find myself in the middle of a difficult parenting moment, I can’t promise I won’t be tempted to reach for my phone. But I am hoping I’ll pause first.

Because while the internet can offer advice for days, it can’t replace our intuition.

After all, the person who knows our children best deserves to be part of the conversation, too.

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Christine Giarrizzo is a blogger, podcaster and mama of two, navigating the realities of modern motherhood in real time. Through her writing, she explores the tension between who we were, who we’re expected to be, and who we actually want to become.

Her work focuses on helping millennial moms move out of survival mode and into a life rooted in clarity, creativity and self-expression. Through honest storytelling and research-backed insights, Christine creates space for women to question outdated norms, trust themselves, and build lives that feel aligned and fulfilling – while offering practical tools for moms who feel overwhelmed and ready to reconnect with themselves.

You can find more from Christine at ContemplativeMama.com and on Instagram @ContemplativeMama1.